Help! Stress Is Ruining Our Relationship!

We are all acquainted with the term “the honeymoon stage” in a marriage, which refers to the period when everything is going smoothly, both spouses are blissfully pleased, and the partnership is stable. This is the ideal stage, and it’s the one we all wish we could return to when we see that our relationship is veering toward the “my partner does things that annoy me” stage. Surprisingly, being a part of a happy partnership offers benefits beyond general enjoyment; studies have shown that happy couples also enjoy better overall health and more prosperous jobs. Some studies even claim that the quality of a marriage is the single most important factor influencing total life happiness.

So why not simply choose happiness? Is it really so difficult? A happy marriage does, in fact, need work. After we are married, the outer world does not disappear; we still have obligations outside of our marriages, and it is frequently these external tensions that cause relationships to suffer.

In the course of coaching married couples, we have seen that the source of stress can take on a variety of forms.

Here are a few examples:

• Lack of organization, which can lead to a chaotic home and schedule.
• Lack of sleep, which can be very hard on our bodies, our minds, and our emotions.
• Lack of exercise. Without exercise, our bodies and minds don’t function well, and we can become moody or depressed.
• Lack of recreation. It is hard to be positive when there is no fun in our lives.
• Lack of time. Too many commitments can mean too much time spent separated, which can impair a couple’s ability to maintain intimacy.
• Money (or lack thereof).  Money has long been known to be a common cause of marital arguments.

We can only handle so much stress before our personal health and relationships are negatively affected, but there are many ways we can take an active role in managing it:

• Organize your time.  Maintain a written schedule to keep from overextending yourself and to make sure that you are accomplishing the tasks that need to be accomplished.
• Get plenty of rest and exercise. If you make the time, you will have the time. Incorporate these into your schedule as “non-negotiables.” Healthy body = healthy mind.
• Prayer. God provides a place of Rest and Peace for us when we seek Him.
• Money management. Communication is key, but if you are still struggling financially, you may need to consult a professional to assist you with creating a money management plan.
• Don’t put things down, put them away (a rule in our home).  Having a “home” for all of your belongings can help to manage clutter and stress.
• Have FUN! Schedule time for fun and relaxation. Recreational time puts us in a positive mental state and allows us to better handle life’s stressors.
• Laughter. The Bible says that laughter restores the soul.

Most couples are capable of learning the skills they need to manage stress on their own, but if the impact on your marriage has already been significant, you may benefit from professional marriage coaching.